LORDS OF WONG - Enter The Wong - (Sir Ronald Winkler Records)
Lords of Wong. Lords of fucking Wong. Has Brisbane ever created a finer mess of mind and soul obliterating rock’n’roll? Enter The Wong, god I feel dirty just listening to it, let alone attending one of their terrifying live shows. Frontman Jimbo is a fireball of blood, sweat and whiskey; a proto-human not fit for family consumption. His cohorts appear to be some sort of lizard people as far as I can tell, only some sort of genetic mutation could cause this sort of behaviour from fully grown men. The solidity of their performance belies the ferocity of the music they exude.
Let’s take a bombing run at the majesty that is Enter The Wong. A hail of distortion greets newcomers before the howl of ‘Re-entry’ (which seems to be Reverend Jim’s advice for single men) dashes brains out on the rocks below. The sleazy slink of ‘She Devil’ thematically fits well with its prelude; though I’m not convinced this was a conscious decision on the band’s part. ‘Lust We Forget’ clocks in at just under two minutes, any longer and it would be in danger of critical mass. The swaggering ‘Uber Cool Fuck Machine’ beat out 96 other tunes to notch up a bronze medal in last year’s 4ZZZ Hot 100, and it’s not difficult to see why; it’s a perfect soundtrack for Brisbane. HITS’ Tamara Bell joins the band for vocals on what could be the catchiest track on Enter…, ‘You Can’t Keep a Good Drug Down’, one for the kids to nod their heads to.
In short, Lords Of Wong and their two-headed dinosaur baby/debut album are a perfect glimpse into the darkness that lurks in the hearts of men. Fairly warned be ye, says I.
4/5 Tal Wallace (Time Off).
LORDS OF WONG - You Can’t Keep A Good Drug Down (single) - (Sir Ronald Winkler Records)
Aspiring bands take note : two very easy ways to get a review in this column include naming your record label something hilarious, and getting the undisputed queen of toilet rock Tamara Dawn Bell on your record to sing back up. The slightly chortle-worthily-titled ‘You Can’t Keep A Good Drug Down’ is the track in question and with its restrained guitar bounce and foot tapping groove is a long way from its accomplice ‘Re-entry’, which has a sludgy fucked up rhythm guitar and psyched out wah breaks and is quite punishing in its execution. One can imagine that drinking 100 beers and doing lines of valium would enhance the experience further.
Chris Yates (Time Off)
LORDS OF WONG - Enter the Wong - (Sir Ronald Winkler Records)
Lean 'n' Mean Bris Rock. One of the many Brisbane bands practicing the art of garage rock 'n' roll, Lords of Wong are standouts due to the sleek economy of their tunes - for instance, they manage to make the last 5 songs all precisely four minutes and one second long. Even when they meander a bit (as in the swaggering blues of She Devil), the boot-up-the-arse guitars ensure you're still paying attention. They're at their best in the raucous Re-entry, the near-Motorhead propulsion of Lust We Forget, the desert rock chug of Uber Cool Fuck Machine (that's some title!) and the creeping build-up of You Can't Keep a Good Drug Down (another pretty ace title!). What's particularly impressive about the Lords is the way they manage to try a few different rock styles without wasting a note - even the throwaway instrumental Intermission evokes images of Brylcreamed hotrod owners with rolled-up sleeves. Playing soon in a beer-stained venue near you, Lords of Wong are the real deal.
Matt Thrower (Rave Magazine)
ENTER THE WONG - Lords of Wong (Sir Ronald Winkler Records)
If you’re in the market for some good old dirty rock and roll then Brisbane seems to have the market cornered, with the likes of Giants of Science, Rollerball, Mexico City, Six Ft Hick. Now “Enter the Wong” is out on “Sir Ronald Winkler Records” and it will kick you in the balls before you can get through the first listen.
On saying that, I didn’t get it at the start. The intro is a waste of time. Once you reach the second track, “Re-entry”, you'll forget about the lame start and the penny will drop.
Like Six Ft Hick, I think these boys don’t take themselves too seriously. Have a look at their photos on the disc and a track listing with songs like like “Lust We Forget” and “You Can’t Keep a Good Drug Down”. Stand-out track for me, however, is “Finge Die Minge”. This song is flat-out like a one legged kick boxer.
The album has a lot of diamonds like "Re-Entry", "Lust We Forget" and "Intermission". The latter in fact pauses the pace from flat-out rock to "let’s have a quick break for a beer when you can because the madness is going to start all over again".
I only have one problem with this album and that's the fact that all the liner notes are blurred. I'll be looking forward to hearing Album Number Two to see if the band can maintain the madness and fun.
The whole of Australia should take a leaf out of Lords of Wong's book and not take themselves too seriously. “Enter the Wong” is well worth the dollars that you will fork out for it; if you cannot find it at major record stores, you should giving your local Indy store a go or hit up the band direct.
3.5/5 Lukey D i94bar.com
LORDS OF WONG - Enter the Wong - (Sir Ronald Winkler Records)
With a name this bad, the band mustn't be taking themselves too seriously, right? With this kind of 'don't give a fuck' attitude, there are only two possible outcomes: aural genius or absolute shite. Sadly, on Enter The Wong, we receive the latter as the band churns out hackneyed rock'n'roll by the numbers; half arsed lyrics, banal chord progressions and drum beats for the polyrhytmically challenged. The highlight of this record comes in the form of an instrumental intermission in which we don't have to listen to the bland tripe spewing from the the singers mouth and the tinny production actually makes the crummy quality of the music endearing. Rock'n'roll has never needed a saviour more badly and sadly - these guys are part of the reason why.
3/10 George Baxter (Blunt Magazine)
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MATT ‘LADYHAWKE’ LUCAS and GERARD ‘G-FORCE’ GLYNN are not your standard rock’n’roll superheroes. But LORDS OF WONG aren’t your standard rock’n’roll band. As they explain to BENNY DOYLE, it’s not about aiming for the stars, it’s all about aiming for the gutter.
The mighty, unpredictable and impeccably dressed Lords Of Wong are returning to the rock consciousness of Brisbane with a split-7” release, combining their powers with fellow locals New Jack Rubys.
“I went to school with Doug from New Jack Rubys back in the 90s. He was the only boy in the softball team and I was the only boy in the cheerleading team, so we’d just go on tour with all these girls,” Lucas states with an air of hilarity as to what the common ground was that brought the two bands together. “That was back in about grade nine and we’ve been in bands ever since.”
“I think the Rubys came up with the idea,” Glynn adds regarding the idea of the vinyl single. “We were trying to jump on their coattails really because they’re a lot more popular and successful than us. It was really a case of a mercy fuck, I’d guess you’d call it.”
The split A-side provides a nice double dosage of bare bones, ballsy Brisbane rock.
“We’ve heard the test pressing and it’s got nice warmth which the Lords Of Wong like,” Lucas says. “But when we finally got the test pressing back, we only realised then that no-one in either band had a record player. It was actually harder to track down that than a place to press the vinyl. But it’s nice to have something on vinyl.”
Glynn continues, explaining that the band hope for some more joint releases in the future, though for reasons somewhat more sly than you’d imagine.
“I could definitely see us doing a split again in the future. We’d be open to do it with pretty much anybody. But I’d like to do an EP or something like that with the Rubys, just to tap into two different audiences. We’re both rock bands but that’s where the similarities end. New Jack Rubys are tight, get ‘em out together and they all get along, while we all hate each other. It’s the yin and yang.”
Getting their sinful filth on, right on the eve of the holiest time of year, Lucas and Glynn recall the best and worst memories at the Step Inn for the band. It just depends which person you ask.
Glynn begins, “My best memory and probably Matt’s worst was when he moonwalked into the toilets, slipped over and knocked himself out. The rest of us remember that fondly but I don’t think Matt enjoyed himself.”
“It was at our album launch and I broke my collarbone and tore a tendon also,” Lucas continues. “I’ve got the x-rays at home. The carnage is never planned but it just happens that way. The blood will start gushing and then it starts to get exciting. That’s when everyone has a good time.”
And just to take self-deprecating to a whole new level, the band have not only provided on their website, the good, but also the bad and downright ugly reviews over their career. This includes a doozie from one unnamed rock magazine that the band are especially fond of.
“We’re going to aim for a one out of ten this time,” Lucas hopes for the new 7”. “That’s actually the best review we’ve ever had though – it was an honest review. Particularly the banal lyrics because I think all the boys in the band consider the lyrics to be banal and pointless and it’s nice that the people reviewing out there can see that. I think he hit the nail on the head.”
WHO: Lords Of Wong
WHAT: Too Cool For Pool Split 7” (Sir Ronald Winkler Records)
WHERE & WHEN: Step Inn (upstairs), Thursday Apr 21
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